Birthdays With The ODD Child

Birthdays and Christmas are usually a cause for excitement and celebration. In our house, Zach really knows how to put a damper on these occasions. This year for his birthday, we got him Blendy Pens, Croc-A-Doodles - he can draw on his Crocs, wash it off and start over with these, and a Razor scooter. All things he has seen and asked for. All things we knew he would like based on his interests. Zach's been dying for a scooter to keep up with the other kids around here because he refuses to learn to ride a bike. He's scared. Here's Zach's reaction to his presents.

The verdict: According to him NOT a very happy birthday because we didn't get him yet more Star Wars stuff. Nevermind that he got almost all Star Wars stuff for Christmas, he bought 5 new action figures with the birthday money one set of grandparents sent, and his godmom usually sends him whatever the newest Star Wars transformers are.

A Bright Spot

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms out there. We've actually had a good weekend so far with my Zach. Having a child with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) or any mood or behavior disorder can be challenging. It can make you forget the good days when you're having a string of the bad days. The last month or so has been a string of bad days and very bad days. This weekend Zach as done a 180 and it's been great. For him, he's been perfect. By no means is he a perfect child, no would I expect any child to be perfect. It's by making mistakes that they learn and grow. What has been so wonderful about the last couple of days is that Zach has gotten back to using his manners, remembering some of our basic house rules, and being kind to his 2 year old brother. Zach has been acting like the almost 8 year old he is, and less like his toddler brother. This is really what our goal is in this whole process. To get Zach to behave close to his age rather than several years behind.

The Beginning Of Our Journey

I know I posted an introduction of who I am, but let me tell you how we began our journey into the world of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD).

As a first time mom, I just thought I had a REALLY needy baby. Zach wanted to be held ALL the time. I had to carry him around in a carrier to get anything done during the day. Even basic needs like brushing my teeth. After the first couple months this wasn't really possible for me because he was too heavy for me to do this with because of my own health issues. Zach wanted almost constant attention. As a couple, my husband and I hit that one day where he came home from work and asked the question, "What did you do all day?" It was a bit of a sore spot with both of us. When Zach was 4 months old I had my wisdom teeth out, and my husband saw what I did all day. I was then he truly understood after almost 4 solid days of basically being a single dad, since I was down and out from the wisdom teeth procedure, that Zach just did not let you get anything done.

Enter the toddler years. Zach was a very physical baby. He learned how to climb before he could even walk. Talking was still in caveman grunts and points. He was in a home daycare setting at this point because I had to go back to work. This is when we really noticed how physical he was. He pushed, shoved, bit, hit, you name it. Whatever it took to get his own way. The pediatrician said it was just a phase and he'd outgrow it as his language skills developed. I had my doubts. I just had a feeling he was different.

During the preschool years we had the same issues. Also at this point we had to factor in environment. We had just relocated to a new area, I was back to being a SAHM, and my husband was deployed. Zach had been a Daddy's boy since birth, so this was especially hard on him. It was at this point I FINALLY was able to get a referral to a child psychologist. Our family doctor finally agreed with me that this was more than just a passing phase.

This is where we start attending group therapy, which will be my next post. The point of this post is to tell you our story and also to tell you parents to trust your instincts. I knew around 15-18 months old Zach was different than other kids even though he was my first. It took us until he was 3 1/2 to finally get a referral to the specialist we needed.

Amanda Introduction/ODD

Hi, I'm Amanda. I'm a 29yo SAHM of two boys. I'm happy to be here. I'll be relating life with a child who has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. At least that's my son's official diagnosis. He has many traits of other behavioral disorders, but not enough to change his diagnosis at this point. Life with an ODD child can be very challenging at times. It takes over a huge chunk of family life. Part of the trick to the balance is that you have to not let the child know they're controlling what is happening with the family, but yet their disorder does control much of the way you parent and run your household. Very catch 22.

I knew around the time my son was 18 months old something was different about him. He was still communicating in cave man grunts mostly, and was pretty aggressive when he didn't get his own way. His pediatrician insisted that as long as he was communicating that it was just a phase and the physical things would subside as my son developed his language skills. She was wrong. Finally, at age 3 1/2 I got a doctor to see that it was not a phase, and to refer us to a psychologist. Here we are 4 years later, and it's still a struggle at times. I think the hardest part is that my son is older, but acts so immature for his age. We expect him to act 7, but do to a lack of impulse control, he acts more like his 2yo brother.

I'm happy that Stefanie brought me on to talk about ODD and my son's other issues so that if nothing else I can let other parents going through the same thing know that they're not alone. I also look forward to learning while I'm here. While not formally diagnosed, my son also has sensory issues.

Oppositional Defiant Disorder Links

The Mayo Clinic
The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry